Films on Youtube, chapter 23

Chapter 23

PUCK'S POV

The badass of the group. That's who I am. The one that doesn't give a damn about anyone else. The one that steals ATM machines and goes to juvie. The one that starts all the fights in school, the one that everyone is scared of, the one that's slept with nearly every girl in this city.

Except there are times when I want to be so much more than that. I don't want to be my father. We're supposed to be family but I can't stand the guy.

I still remember the day when he suddenly got bored with my mother and me. Mum practically broke down, couldn't stop crying for days. But she put herself together. For me. We survived somehow. Mum worked extra hours and I've had part time jobs since I've been 14.

I knew Jackie Daniels wasn't a great name. For a girl. But at the time I think I wasn't thinking clearly.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Quinn had kept Beth. On one hand it would have been great, but the on the other, I don't think either of us is ready to look after a child yet.

My crush – or maybe love – for Quinn is slowly disappearing with time. I'm happy she's with Sam. Ok, who am I kidding. I'm mad that she chose the blond over me. Then again, can I blame her? I'm just the 'Lima loser'…. He bought her a promise ring. Little difference, right?

I tried proving to Quinn, to myself, that I could be better. That's why I sang 'Beth'. I really thought everything would be better after that, but no such luck.

The video started with me and the boys, sans Kurt, sitting on stools in a half circle.

The music started playing and the camera zoomed in on me, showing me singing. It feels weird watching me on the screen. I also feel a bit violated. Who would have access to all these moments?

Mike, Finn, Artie and Matt sang along for the chorus, while the camera changed views and showed Quinn. She looked amazing, even more than usual. Even though those long pink eyelashes were a bit freaky.

She looked as if she was holding back tears and the Quinn in the room looked the same. The difference was that in the video, I was the one comforting her, while in real life, it's Sam who's got his arm around her.

I wonder what's going on in his head. It must be hard watching your girlfriend be so close to another guy. Even if that guy is me.

I wonder if he knows that I still like her. He probably does, I'm not exactly the best in hiding my emotions. We've gone through a lot of hard times and I've been with a lot of girls and woman but deep down it's Quinn. It's always been her.

The second verse was sung by Finn. Me and him have a weird relationship. We've been friends for a long time, best friends. But there's always been this competing between us.

You know, petty stuff really. Who's better at football, who's more popular, who's got the prettier girlfriend. Then again it was Finn who showed me that being yourself and being in glee club isn't such a bad thing. And I'm very grateful for that.

Of course, since last year, things have been rocky between us. Then again, what did I expect? 'Hey man, I'm your best friend but I got your girlfriend drunk, had sex with her and now she's pregnant. With my child. So, at who's house are we going to play PS tonight?' That would have gone down well. To tell the truth, if I was Finn, I definitely wouldn't have forgiven me yet.

By the end of the song, tears were flowing from Quinn's eyes. The one in the room is in a similar state, crying into her boyfriends shoulder, who is looking awkwardly around the room, having no idea how to deal with crying girls. In fact, apart from Kurt and you know gays in general, I think nearly all guys have no idea what to do in front of a crying woman or girl.

'So… What was that all about?' asked Wes

'What do you mean?' I asked, a bit puzzled.

'Well, you don't really strike me as the emotional one, but you seem to really be pouring your heart into the song' continued his friend, David.

Of course, once again, people judging me before they get to know me. Then again, I used to do that too, I still remember all the dumpster tosses and slushies. I really was a jerk back then.

I was just about to answer back but Quinn got in before me 'Just because he's an absolute idiot sometimes doesn't mean he hasn't got feelings'

The boy opened his mouth, an apologetic smile gracing his face but the girl cut in once again

'And if you really need to know. Puck sang that to me while I was pregnant and really needed a friend. And I know that if I'd kept BETH he'd be a great father'

Blaine's, Wes' and David's eyes widened a bit when Quinn accented the name of the girl. The two friends mouthed sorry to me but I wasn't even that angry.

Quinn, on the other hand was. And every from New Directions knows not to cross the girl when she's mad. Or it can end not too well for you.

Trying to ease the tension, Kurt started talking to Wes and David about some movie that they had apparently watched yesterday, while Blaine just stared lovingly at the diva.

Very quickly everyone started talking to each other. I noticed Quinn walk up to Mercedes and the two friends started discussing something intently.

Hearing Finn say something about a new game coming out, I started moving to him. I was stopped by an arm that had reached out and grabbed me. It was Sam, who was wearing a gaze that showed that he was thinking about something very hard.

'Can I talk to you for a second?' he whispered. I nodded for a second but remained where I was 'In private…' he added after he realized I wasn't moving.

Rolling my eyes I walked out after the blond. No one saw us move to the hallway. They were all too caught up in their own talks.

'Um. Well I. Um.. Asked You. Um. Here… Because.. Um' started Sam.

Can't the guy speak properly? 'For God's Sake Sam, spit it out' I said, making him look down in embarrassment.

'Fine. I want to know if you still have feelings for Quinn. Because I saw the way you were looking at her back there and I really didn't like what I saw'

Had I really been that transparent? 'Do you want the truth?' I asked. The quarterback nodded so I took a big breath and quickly said 'I might still have feelings for her'

The boy nodded, looking as he had been expecting my answer. Knowing Finn, he had probably told Sam the whole story from last year, so I'm not really that surprised.

'But I promise you I won't act on them' I said, looking straight into the boy's eyes 'First of all, I've seen how happy she is with you and I don't want to ruin that. Second, well, I might have feelings for her but that doesn't mean we'd be good together. I mean, we tried last year and it didn't work out, so what's the point in trying again?'

Sam seemed to have accepted my answer because he shifted his feet awkwardly and then said quietly 'Thanks. I promise I'll treat her right'

'That's all I'm asking for' I replied with a small grin.

We walked back together into the room and were met with a few curious expressions. Ups, seems they realized that we had left. We quickly walked back to our seats but not before Sam quickly told me 'You know, Puck. You're not as bad a person as everyone makes you seem. You actually are very cool.'

After his words I felt a lot better. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy and corny, but I'm not really used to compliments and whenever I get them my humor increases immediately.

Now supporting a huge smile I asked 'So.. What's the next video?'